me

These are things you should know about me. - I do not believe or support the death penalty - abortion is an individual choice. my opinion doesn't matter - there has been and will probably always be slavery and human trafficking, we should always seek to prevent and stop it - the environment is fragile and needs to be cared for. its flora and fauna are indispensable and we should treat it as such. water is far and above our most valuable controllable resource. - time is our most uncontrollable resource - race should not be a subject - be sure your purpose is good - be accountable - whenever you can help someone - help someone - music is beautiful - purpose of life is paramount to living. we need purpose. purpose should revolve around life. every child, being, adult, human needs a purpose beyond survival. - happiness and boredom are choices - be yourself despite yourself for there is nothing else to live for but you - do everything with integrity. - I wish there was an easy metaphor for money. I have none. what I do have is - Love to Love and Give to Give. if you should choose to love, do so. do so for love and for nothing else and particularly do it for nothing in return. the same to giving. expect nothing back.

Election Eve 2020

Deep breath. I like to enact change for the overall good. I like kindness and mercy. I am about as imperfect as they come....ask my wife, kids, and coworkers they'll tell you - just don't ask or tell my grandchildren - they don't know. When Donald Trump won the Presidential Election in 2016 my wife and I had gone to bed confident that Hillary had won. I think most of the USA did....or at least those in the mid-Atlantic states did. Let's be clear - I am a life-long NJ resident. I am a registered "unafiliated" as we call it in NJ. Used to be called an Independent, but I'm guessing the two-party system figures no one wants to be unafiliated and they'd force me to choose a party. They couldn't be farther from the truth. I am not happy with either. I've never voted Repub or Dem in a Presidential race till this 2020 election. As you go forward reading - don't judge. Here are my stances - I cannot have an abortion and should not be able to decide if woman should or should not have abortions That is her choice. The baby can't make the choice and nor should you for another. A sin is a sin. Sins are equal. Lying is equivelant to murder according to the bible - research it so you learn it (if you believe in God). I am against the death penalty. I am for sharing; sharing my country, my home, my food, my money. I am for love being a driving force of my life. I am for the earth and aware that we are abusing earth's resources and causing serious damage to planet earth from our pollution. I am anti gun - I get hunting. Hunt away with your guns, keep your guns, but assault weapons and weapons that shoot multiple bullets in short times frames should not be able to be obtained by the average citizen. Our justice system which fuels our prison system needs reform. We incarcerate more people than anywhere else in the world. Why - because politicians sell you on "safety". Safety sells and you are buying. Clinton instilled the "three strike" rule which put a lot of people in prison. Police reform/defunding whatever you want to call it is just an examination and reallocation of funds to better serve the public and it can and should ALWAYS be rexamined and done. It's smart business. I say Black Lives Matter and am heartbroken by those who cannot or will not say it. I don't see a man with my best interests in mind in Donald Trump I see a man that is selling Evangelical desires to the masses and they are buying it. I see a man selling PRO LIFE to the people who have cried for it's resolve for decades. You aren't going to ever stop abortions. You may push them into the back alleys, but you are not going to stop them. You are not going to win souls to Jesus by shouting murderer to the woman who has an abortion! But when you hold her hand and don't judge her....you might. If we spent more time educating people and providing resources to people we would stop more abortions that way. Donald Trump says more lies than any public figure I've encountered yet y'all just look the other way. Donald makes fun of people incessantly, mocking them like a bully and yet his wife is working towards stopping cyber bullying....I guess she doesn't read his tweets. - Twenty Six woman have accused Donald Trump of inappropriate sexual misconduct - He has not denounced White Supremacy - He has and continues to mishandle the worldwide pandemic - He lies - He bullies So yeah, I totally get the Hillary thing. Trump winning over her. I understand. But look out your window right now - Our country is on the brink of an implosion. And who's been in charge? I forgot to mention homosexuality - It runs the same with abortion. I'm not the judge. I've got enough darkness in my own life that is between me and God that I don't want you to judge me on so therefore I am not called to judge others.

If true character is revealed in times of hardship - - I'm failing

We are in the middle of what is perhaps the biggest calamity I've experienced in my lifetime and I feel like I'm failing.

The next three weeks in Southern New Jersey will see the pandemic of the Corona Virus peak and then hopefully wane and our lives will begin to rebuild.
We will experience financial loss, the loss of family and, friends.

Cue up "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor...then cue up Bob Marley singing "every little thing's gonna be alright", what the hell....cue up "It's the End of the World as We Know It" by R.E.M.

We have running water there are no bombs or people running rampant in the streets as well as a full pantry with access to more food at the grocery store. We have internet, entertainment on the television and, plenty of electricity.

Yet I have no control and herein lies the problem.

My brother who is at risk due to his health is working at the local Home Depot. Our youngest son is working at the Whole Foods grocery store where people are semi heeding the government restrictions and warnings. And our daughter is working in healthcare in the Emergency Room on the very front lines of where people will go when sick. I can sense death and I don't like it and cannot control it.

People think I'm this kind guy who preaches love and the appreciation of others, and I am....when it suits me. Others who know me see me as a disruptor/fighter, a fella who will push forward hard until the desired results are achieved. I can't push forward hard enough to stop a virus. I feel powerless.

And we're not even bridging the financial devastation about to take place!

As much as I want to fight this I sense failure.

I've already been showing an irritable side of my charming personality and I can feel more of my temper brewing - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I do see glimpses of light. I do feel strength, but more out of a feeling that that's my role within my family unit. While in my heart I want to lie on the couch covered in a blanket watching mindless television endlessly scrolling my phone.

I will continue to experience both - the feeling of helplessness and despair and the elation and beauty of the moments relying on hope and faith to propel me forward.

Here's to going forward.
Here's to knowing I am not perfect.
Here's to knowing I am an okay person.
Here's to failing for it is a great teacher.

Time to tackle that "to-do" list I made and maybe spend some time under a blanket later today.

Love to Love

Good morning or just a "good to you" whatever part of the day it may be. 

This world leaves me intrigued and confused and I've tried to find a few rocks to stand on that are not wobbly and don't tumble.

I've determined things that are true for me. They are many and yet not.

The one that stands out is about LOVE.

What is love that never recounts your errors and wrongdoings?

I love the quote "love....keeps no record of wrongs". (It's from a bible verse)
Imagine being loved by someone who doesn't keep a record of your wrongdoings?

Imagine if you didn't keep a record of your wrongdoings?

Imagine if the love you have to give was given without expectation?

Isn't that the kind of love we should have?

Love should be given with zero expectation of anything in return.

"Love to love"

true love

Ethan we are playing on the floor, on our backs or sides just playing with the toys and you say as you are just looking at what you're doing "I love you Poppi" and I call back "I love you Ethan" these are my favorite.

first draft

The wrongs I have done are oh so powerful and come back to haunt quite often.

They take the shape of words I have spoken, actions I have made and thoughts I have and have had as well as the things I said I would do for others and didn't.

Those "wrongs"  become my focus. Whereas the good and wonderful things I have experienced are covered in the darkness of the of those wrongs (but are they wrongs?)

It's like that whirlpool you made in the pool as a kid; going round and round, carrying everything in its path in that circle, growing stronger and stronger, making it more and more difficult to stop those wrongs (are they wrongs?) from being the focus.

Someone once told me depression was like being in a cave and not being able to find their way out. An endless life of darkness and those wrongs blanketing the light and that whirlpool carrying you around faster and faster.

But what if those words and actions were not wrong (or right). What if they were just what happened then (and maybe now).

And what mattered was me and you and now. Realizing that elation and sadness worked together and to not let either rule the roost, but rather let each emotion have its time.

But, depression - you're sick, hurting - people you love are sick and hurting - you have no money - you have no money - you have no home - you have no job - you have no one to love you

REALITIES for sure and cause to be sad, to be caught in that whirlpool, lost in the cave.

The sadness can be overpowering which brings us to the word of the day actually a word for many days and really a word for all days - CONFIDENCE

Doesn't CONFIDENCE mean to believe?

I ask you to believe
Believe in Yourself
Believe in Love
Believe in Others
Believe in Mercy
Believe in Kindness
Don't ever stop believing, not ever.

Let the hurt of the world make you stronger and KNOW it will.
That hurt and pain can help others with their hurt and pain.

Chase understanding - think about understanding and what it really is.
Seek to understand
Seek to understand others

We leave with this - Have confidence (belief) and work to gain understanding

five songs to learn

day 1

wonder - - -

kindness - -

allah allah - -

forever young - - -

something beautiful - - -

winter storm - -