me

These are things you should know about me. - I do not believe or support the death penalty - abortion is an individual choice. my opinion doesn't matter - there has been and will probably always be slavery and human trafficking, we should always seek to prevent and stop it - the environment is fragile and needs to be cared for. its flora and fauna are indispensable and we should treat it as such. water is far and above our most valuable controllable resource. - time is our most uncontrollable resource - race should not be a subject - be sure your purpose is good - be accountable - whenever you can help someone - help someone - music is beautiful - purpose of life is paramount to living. we need purpose. purpose should revolve around life. every child, being, adult, human needs a purpose beyond survival. - happiness and boredom are choices - be yourself despite yourself for there is nothing else to live for but you - do everything with integrity. - I wish there was an easy metaphor for money. I have none. what I do have is - Love to Love and Give to Give. if you should choose to love, do so. do so for love and for nothing else and particularly do it for nothing in return. the same to giving. expect nothing back.

Election Eve 2020

Deep breath. I like to enact change for the overall good. I like kindness and mercy. I am about as imperfect as they come....ask my wife, kids, and coworkers they'll tell you - just don't ask or tell my grandchildren - they don't know. When Donald Trump won the Presidential Election in 2016 my wife and I had gone to bed confident that Hillary had won. I think most of the USA did....or at least those in the mid-Atlantic states did. Let's be clear - I am a life-long NJ resident. I am a registered "unafiliated" as we call it in NJ. Used to be called an Independent, but I'm guessing the two-party system figures no one wants to be unafiliated and they'd force me to choose a party. They couldn't be farther from the truth. I am not happy with either. I've never voted Repub or Dem in a Presidential race till this 2020 election. As you go forward reading - don't judge. Here are my stances - I cannot have an abortion and should not be able to decide if woman should or should not have abortions That is her choice. The baby can't make the choice and nor should you for another. A sin is a sin. Sins are equal. Lying is equivelant to murder according to the bible - research it so you learn it (if you believe in God). I am against the death penalty. I am for sharing; sharing my country, my home, my food, my money. I am for love being a driving force of my life. I am for the earth and aware that we are abusing earth's resources and causing serious damage to planet earth from our pollution. I am anti gun - I get hunting. Hunt away with your guns, keep your guns, but assault weapons and weapons that shoot multiple bullets in short times frames should not be able to be obtained by the average citizen. Our justice system which fuels our prison system needs reform. We incarcerate more people than anywhere else in the world. Why - because politicians sell you on "safety". Safety sells and you are buying. Clinton instilled the "three strike" rule which put a lot of people in prison. Police reform/defunding whatever you want to call it is just an examination and reallocation of funds to better serve the public and it can and should ALWAYS be rexamined and done. It's smart business. I say Black Lives Matter and am heartbroken by those who cannot or will not say it. I don't see a man with my best interests in mind in Donald Trump I see a man that is selling Evangelical desires to the masses and they are buying it. I see a man selling PRO LIFE to the people who have cried for it's resolve for decades. You aren't going to ever stop abortions. You may push them into the back alleys, but you are not going to stop them. You are not going to win souls to Jesus by shouting murderer to the woman who has an abortion! But when you hold her hand and don't judge her....you might. If we spent more time educating people and providing resources to people we would stop more abortions that way. Donald Trump says more lies than any public figure I've encountered yet y'all just look the other way. Donald makes fun of people incessantly, mocking them like a bully and yet his wife is working towards stopping cyber bullying....I guess she doesn't read his tweets. - Twenty Six woman have accused Donald Trump of inappropriate sexual misconduct - He has not denounced White Supremacy - He has and continues to mishandle the worldwide pandemic - He lies - He bullies So yeah, I totally get the Hillary thing. Trump winning over her. I understand. But look out your window right now - Our country is on the brink of an implosion. And who's been in charge? I forgot to mention homosexuality - It runs the same with abortion. I'm not the judge. I've got enough darkness in my own life that is between me and God that I don't want you to judge me on so therefore I am not called to judge others.

If true character is revealed in times of hardship - - I'm failing

We are in the middle of what is perhaps the biggest calamity I've experienced in my lifetime and I feel like I'm failing.

The next three weeks in Southern New Jersey will see the pandemic of the Corona Virus peak and then hopefully wane and our lives will begin to rebuild.
We will experience financial loss, the loss of family and, friends.

Cue up "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor...then cue up Bob Marley singing "every little thing's gonna be alright", what the hell....cue up "It's the End of the World as We Know It" by R.E.M.

We have running water there are no bombs or people running rampant in the streets as well as a full pantry with access to more food at the grocery store. We have internet, entertainment on the television and, plenty of electricity.

Yet I have no control and herein lies the problem.

My brother who is at risk due to his health is working at the local Home Depot. Our youngest son is working at the Whole Foods grocery store where people are semi heeding the government restrictions and warnings. And our daughter is working in healthcare in the Emergency Room on the very front lines of where people will go when sick. I can sense death and I don't like it and cannot control it.

People think I'm this kind guy who preaches love and the appreciation of others, and I am....when it suits me. Others who know me see me as a disruptor/fighter, a fella who will push forward hard until the desired results are achieved. I can't push forward hard enough to stop a virus. I feel powerless.

And we're not even bridging the financial devastation about to take place!

As much as I want to fight this I sense failure.

I've already been showing an irritable side of my charming personality and I can feel more of my temper brewing - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I do see glimpses of light. I do feel strength, but more out of a feeling that that's my role within my family unit. While in my heart I want to lie on the couch covered in a blanket watching mindless television endlessly scrolling my phone.

I will continue to experience both - the feeling of helplessness and despair and the elation and beauty of the moments relying on hope and faith to propel me forward.

Here's to going forward.
Here's to knowing I am not perfect.
Here's to knowing I am an okay person.
Here's to failing for it is a great teacher.

Time to tackle that "to-do" list I made and maybe spend some time under a blanket later today.

Love to Love

Good morning or just a "good to you" whatever part of the day it may be. 

This world leaves me intrigued and confused and I've tried to find a few rocks to stand on that are not wobbly and don't tumble.

I've determined things that are true for me. They are many and yet not.

The one that stands out is about LOVE.

What is love that never recounts your errors and wrongdoings?

I love the quote "love....keeps no record of wrongs". (It's from a bible verse)
Imagine being loved by someone who doesn't keep a record of your wrongdoings?

Imagine if you didn't keep a record of your wrongdoings?

Imagine if the love you have to give was given without expectation?

Isn't that the kind of love we should have?

Love should be given with zero expectation of anything in return.

"Love to love"

true love

Ethan we are playing on the floor, on our backs or sides just playing with the toys and you say as you are just looking at what you're doing "I love you Poppi" and I call back "I love you Ethan" these are my favorite.

first draft

The wrongs I have done are oh so powerful and come back to haunt quite often.

They take the shape of words I have spoken, actions I have made and thoughts I have and have had as well as the things I said I would do for others and didn't.

Those "wrongs"  become my focus. Whereas the good and wonderful things I have experienced are covered in the darkness of the of those wrongs (but are they wrongs?)

It's like that whirlpool you made in the pool as a kid; going round and round, carrying everything in its path in that circle, growing stronger and stronger, making it more and more difficult to stop those wrongs (are they wrongs?) from being the focus.

Someone once told me depression was like being in a cave and not being able to find their way out. An endless life of darkness and those wrongs blanketing the light and that whirlpool carrying you around faster and faster.

But what if those words and actions were not wrong (or right). What if they were just what happened then (and maybe now).

And what mattered was me and you and now. Realizing that elation and sadness worked together and to not let either rule the roost, but rather let each emotion have its time.

But, depression - you're sick, hurting - people you love are sick and hurting - you have no money - you have no money - you have no home - you have no job - you have no one to love you

REALITIES for sure and cause to be sad, to be caught in that whirlpool, lost in the cave.

The sadness can be overpowering which brings us to the word of the day actually a word for many days and really a word for all days - CONFIDENCE

Doesn't CONFIDENCE mean to believe?

I ask you to believe
Believe in Yourself
Believe in Love
Believe in Others
Believe in Mercy
Believe in Kindness
Don't ever stop believing, not ever.

Let the hurt of the world make you stronger and KNOW it will.
That hurt and pain can help others with their hurt and pain.

Chase understanding - think about understanding and what it really is.
Seek to understand
Seek to understand others

We leave with this - Have confidence (belief) and work to gain understanding

five songs to learn

day 1

wonder - - -

kindness - -

allah allah - -

forever young - - -

something beautiful - - -

winter storm - -

the journey

Today is full of rivers to ford, mountains to climb, valleys to traverse

The rivers run swift, the mountains leave you breathless and the valleys may cloud your eyes

The parking lots run rampant

The roads are engaging (if not enraging)

Our mind lead us to deception, indifference and intolerance while a focus from our hearts will forever lead to a level of understanding 

The mountains are steep

The rivers ice cold

The valleys are tiring
(and somewhere along the way there may be a swarm of green heads that descend upon you) 

The checkout line works my patience
The incompetence of the world tries me

Yet my heart longs for differences

My heart sees the love - the beauty - the positive - the good - the right - the joy - the happiness

But I must pursue these feelings, these emotions - I must work for them, despite the depression, the failures and inadequacies I posses, I must focus my heart on what is good and right

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death. Leonardo da Vinci

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things" God

"Those who look to him are radiant" God

Roger's Wisdom

It was just about 10 years ago that I bumped into Roger on what was a typical work day.

Roger and his wife Punni have owned Liberty Chicken in the Bourse Food Court for some 30 years and they always ask how my family is with the most genuine sincerity that one cannot help but answer them.

Roger had watched all three of my children work for me in my corporate retail job at one time or another.

Roger - How's the family Tate?

Me - good Roger.......it's just Sean. 

Roger looks at me for a further explanation as if I needed prodding to continue. 

Me - Well......Sean called in December to say he was dropping out of college and going to live on someone's couch off campus.

I look at Roger for approval of my discomfort of this statement and find none so I continue.

Me - Here it is February Roger and he hasn't had a job since he dropped out and Sean called me today to tell me he got a job.

Roger smiles. 

Me - Sean got a job delivering pizzas' five days a week from 11:30 - 1:00 PM.....that's 1.5 hours of work per day!!

Roger smiles with his knowing eyes. 

Me - Like what does he think! He hasn't worked for months. He's living on someones couch! He got a job for like 2 hours a day delivering pizzas!! Really!!!

Roger - Where do you think Sean will be in ten years?

Me - I don't know

Roger - Do you think any of this you describe will matter in ten years with Sean?

Me -  .......no, I don't think it will matter Roger.


It's been ten years since that conversation. On that day I encountered wisdom. Roger was right; ten years have gone by and none of that stuff really mattered.  Sean is a wonderful son with a good job, is married to a wonderful woman and they are expecting.

I share Roger's wisdom often.

My faith in 20+ seconds

 - - I believe we should not judge others for any reason. I believe God is the judge and has the final "call" on our souls, not me.

 - - We are called to love others whenever and however and most especially to love those we are inclined to judge. 

The people I judge most are not like me, the people who piss me off, the people who do not look or act like me and these are the people I need to love. 

and that, in a nutshell, is my biblical Jesus based faith. 


"There's a little more faith and grace to help me run this race, that's all I need" - Lucinda Williams

For SP

hold them

everyday a new chapter 

a story to be told 

a life to be lived

a smile to be given

a hello

a nod

eye contact

the beauty of us all

so beautiful 

so wonderful 

today

the moments are fleeting

the moments fly

hold them

the self-portrait doesn't really work, 

but does art really work?

enjoy the moments

they are but few

Lyrical Bowie Thoughts

Some thoughts on lyrics. Please feel free to share yours.

"And he was alright the band was altogether, and he was alright the song went on forever" Lady Stardust
When we bring people together, as in a band, and we're clicking on all cylinders, running like a machine, everything is "alright" and that's when you hope the song goes on forever. 'Cause when we're all together, everything is alright,

"Come on, come on, we've really got a good thing going, Well come on, well come on if you think we're going to make it...you better hang onto yourself"  Hang Onto Yourself
This is just a song that spells out living life in so many ways. All we have is ourselves and we had better hang onto that and that's how you make it....by hanging onto yourself.

"I could fall asleep at night as a rock and roll star, I could fall in love alright as a rock and roll star" Star
Well....if "I could fall asleep at night as a rock and roll star." 'nuff said.

"And all the fat-skinny people, and all the tall short people, and the the nobody people, and all the somebody people, I never thought I'd need so many people"   Five Years
I don't know much about David, I've always felt he was a bit of a recluse and I understand Ziggy Stardust is a concept album, but I guess it's interesting, as stubborn as I can be, that I find more inspiration from other people, all people, than anywhere else....maybe that's what he's saying.

"Don't fake it baby, lay the real thing on me. The church of man, love is such a holy place to be. Make me baby, make me know you really care. Make me jump into the air"  Moonage Daydream
When people give you truth and by that truth there is love, well it make me jump into the air because I know you really care.

"Sailors fighting in the dance hall, Oh man! Look at those cavemen go. It's the freakiest show. Take a look at the lawman. Beating up the wrong guy. Oh man! I wonder if he'll ever know He's in the best selling show. Is there life on Mars?  Life on Mars
The first sentences sum up our lives on earth and the last sentence is a plea for something/somewhere to be better, to be honest and to be love.

"So I turned myself to face me, but I've never caught a glimpse. Of how the others must see the faker. I'm much to fast to take that test" Changes
I've got a lot of thoughts on this one, but I'm going to let it be.

'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word. And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night and love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves."  Under Pressure
I love how he says that love dares us to care about ourselves. I love this song and the arrangement of it.


and when all is said and done....my fave of his lyrics could be the simply put...
"LET'S DANCE"

wood shop lessons

It was either last year or the year before on the Atlantic City Expressway that we hit a deer, or as Margaret says, a deer ran into us.
I remember the hot coffee splashing all over me during the impact and thinking it was blood.
The anxiety carried over from that accident lasted for months whenever driving at night.
Blog on the deer accident - - http://njtate.blogspot.com/2014/01/hit-deer.html


Yesterday I ran a board over the joiner in the wood shop, it was a short board, to short The joiner grabbed, gouged the board while simultaneously taking the push board (used for safety), breaking it and winging it about 20" behind me.

Angry!  Nervous!! Embarrassed!!!  Yes to all of the above, but more scared than anything else.
It took me all day, night and a full nights sleep to regain some posture.

"Are you alright" was shouted from across the shop. Reaction by the shop owner and the retired wood shop school teacher that happened to be present was more reassuring than I deserved despite my self-inflicted anger and embarrassment.

Within minutes, Tommy (shop owner), made the best suggestion ever - - "first thing we need to do; repair the push block"

We worked on it together. I finished it. Made a 2nd different one and now have another in the works. 

Later in the afternoon I got back on the proverbial horse and nervously joined a few boards on both joiners (testing the new push block) and ended up calling it a day shortly thereafter. 

It was sometime in the middle of the night. 

I awoke and heard the local owl whooting followed by a baby owl (?) with a softer, gentler whoot 

It was then I realized what I had done the day before:

1. I was in a rush

2. I was running a board to small for the machine

3. I was feeling a bit overtly confident/arrogant about working in the shop of late

4. I was working under a time restriction and this did not allow me to stay focused

I don't believe in luck or coincidences. 

Now to learn from all of this. To take the experience and strengthen my core being. I also want to assess my initial reaction to this and all of this will take time, precious oh so precious time. 

Maybe therin lies the answers? 

begging

I think we passed four people begging for money or was it five in a six block walk.

In the city this is common.

When someone asks.........what do we do?

What if that was you......you, begging.

what if it was you?

would you want someone to give?

ha!!!!

if we are not making a difference in this world
WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

what is the difference you want to make?

think about it.  - - - - is it for you, the difference you want to make, or is it for others?
you or others?
you or others?
you or others?

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick 

so?

Is the differences you make in this world for you?????

Or for others?


When you make the difference for others you have made the 
difference for yourself. 

It is in that you will rest. 

peace
serenity
love
understanding

daily muse

mornings

coffee

dew (on my feet)

chirping birds

music

filling the ice-cube trays

emptying the dishwasher

walking the garden

relaxed

turning the music louder

NEXTUP~MAKETHEBED~GRABASHOWER~SHAVE~DRESS~RUNTOTHEBANK~DROPSOMESTUFFOFFATWORK~ANDHEADTOTHEOTHERWORKLOCATION

may i hear the birds chirp all day

20 minutes

I have 20 minutes actually less

to do what?

to tell what?

to gain what?

to learn what?

maybe the question is what do I have to give.....

what can I give you? what can I give that you don't already have?

there is nothing I have that you don't have - - nothing

17 minutes

I search and search to know what to give you.
there are no words that will make a difference or are there?

My daughter's cat; Mushroom, watched Walle yesterday. Walle is about....what is Wale about?

I looked for the picture of Mushroom watching Walle, it was intense. I don't have the picture. It was on snapchat. He was fixated, Mushroom, but so was Walle.

Snapchat is a bit like life. It is only there for an instant. Snapchat deletes whatever you capture, photo or video after it is viewed....like life, it is gone - POOF!  14 minutes.

I googled the meaning of Walle and "wallet" came up. I re-googled Walle (the clock is ticking) and Walle saves mankind.....

HOW?

How does one save mankind?

Mankind is saved over and over and over and over and over again. Saved by XMEN, Captain America, Tom Cruise, Superman (right?) and countless others....they save us from ourselves.

12, 11, 10

they don't drift....the minutes, no, they don't drift, they tick away...and tick quickly I might add.

"the sea throws rocks together, but time leaves us polished stones" U2

time....9 minutes (actually I lost count)

I don't know how much time I have left.

It's (time) escaping like sand running through the hourglass. Like a wave pulling back once it's reached shore. It evaporates into the sand into the sky and back into the sea.

HOW MUCH TIME?!?!?!?!?!?

The wave bursts in like a ......like a wave........crashing, exploding onto the shore, bursting onto land and thundering so we all know it is here.,....and it pulls back as if you didn't even know it was there.

Love.

That's how Walle saved the world. Love.
It's all we really have.
times up.

CONQUERING THE UNCONQUERABLE

The ceiling leak that has plagued our house for 26 years is back....as indicated by some drywall that fell yesterday. 

        (aforementioned ceiling) 

The back window still needs to be replaced. 

The threshold remains unfinished. 

Family has it's ups and downs and downs and.....ups. 

I swam at the jersey shore yesterday. Most serious undertow I've ever possibly felt. Am I getting old. 

If we sell the house we need to do some wiring, fix all the concrete sidewalk, take care of all the illegal water piping I've completed to prevent some basement flooding (it still floods), not to mention the normal painting etc...

Life is unconquerable, or is it?

It doesn't end - the pluses, the minuses. I like the pluses. 

Conquer. 

I want to conquer the unconquerable. 

 and I struggle. 

I grasp with my imperfections, my faults, my downfalls. 

I can wallow in them. 

Conquer. 

The faults loom,. the insecurity glistens and yet.....

CONQUER

God is the only way to conquer the unconquerable.

His grace. 

His forgiveness. 

His love. 

Knowing He loves me, knowing my home is not here

live the life he lived

conquered

the definition of confidence

Carli Lloyd came to play.

Five minutes into the game she scored her second goal on the biggest stage, in the biggest game she would ever play and she did it with strength as if she caused it to happen.

You could feel the energy emulating from the field.

Then, from mid-field - - -  GOAL!!!!!!

"That", is confidence.

Three goals in the first 16 minutes of the Women's World Cup. I'd say she wanted it.