r u making a difference ? ?

She thanked me as I struggled to get the change out of my pocket making sure none of the bills in my pocket should appear. I dug deep for the change that was down there fingering as much of it as I could up and out of the pocket while yet pushing the bills down deeper. At last I had it. And I handed it to her while she thanked me for making a difference and bid me safety on this Thursday evening commute home to my suburban home complete with cable and a roof.

Today I started the process for a raise @ my job. "What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun? " asks Solomon.

I want to make a difference. To change people. I want to be more like Christ and yet the sin(s) in my life hurt me and cause me to stumble not helping anyone. I am, but a man. I wonder if I really want 30-40 more years of life in a pain stricken world where which I don't feel at home. The most peaceful I ever am is in the company of believers or in my garden Shangri La. All other stuff is meaningless and even Shangri La, temporary in this world will one day be transformed by those yet to come.

I want to make a difference. I want to change people for Him who gives life. What else can I do that will last? What else do I have to give? At work I toil over retail stores that are successful and yet I feel no satisfaction at the end of the day. I seek satisfaction through the joy of others. I seek satisfaction through the acceptance of Christ through others. I work towards my life ending to be in heaven and rest with Him. I have no other solutions. Getting a raise to possibly improve my home and to grow my own riches seems so unworthy especially when the change I dig out of my pocket possibly makes more of a difference then any other act of my day and yet I crave the raise---forgive me.