The next three weeks in Southern New Jersey will see the pandemic of the Corona Virus peak and then hopefully wane and our lives will begin to rebuild.
We will experience financial loss, the loss of family and, friends.Cue up "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor...then cue up Bob Marley singing "every little thing's gonna be alright", what the hell....cue up "It's the End of the World as We Know It" by R.E.M.
We have running water there are no bombs or people running rampant in the streets as well as a full pantry with access to more food at the grocery store. We have internet, entertainment on the television and, plenty of electricity.
Yet I have no control and herein lies the problem.
My brother who is at risk due to his health is working at the local Home Depot. Our youngest son is working at the Whole Foods grocery store where people are semi heeding the government restrictions and warnings. And our daughter is working in healthcare in the Emergency Room on the very front lines of where people will go when sick. I can sense death and I don't like it and cannot control it.
People think I'm this kind guy who preaches love and the appreciation of others, and I am....when it suits me. Others who know me see me as a disruptor/fighter, a fella who will push forward hard until the desired results are achieved. I can't push forward hard enough to stop a virus. I feel powerless.
And we're not even bridging the financial devastation about to take place!
As much as I want to fight this I sense failure.
I've already been showing an irritable side of my charming personality and I can feel more of my temper brewing - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I do see glimpses of light. I do feel strength, but more out of a feeling that that's my role within my family unit. While in my heart I want to lie on the couch covered in a blanket watching mindless television endlessly scrolling my phone.
I will continue to experience both - the feeling of helplessness and despair and the elation and beauty of the moments relying on hope and faith to propel me forward.
Here's to going forward.
Here's to knowing I am not perfect.
Here's to knowing I am an okay person.
Here's to failing for it is a great teacher.
Time to tackle that "to-do" list I made and maybe spend some time under a blanket later today.
