Monday, November 29, 2010

change of heart.

There has been a lot of change going on in my life, chameleons change color and then change back again. I want the change I am experiencing to remain permenant.

I have been working on being a better man, better husband, father a better man in God's eyes.
Tis isn't always easy.

Forcing and maintaining this change is causing a lot of ripples. Ripples in my life and others. lives.

As much as others volunteer to help and assist ME with MY change, it is really up to me and no one else. We are all responsible for ourselves and others are not responsible for our feelings/actions/thoughts/demeanor/attitude.

The end result is good.
I feel better about myself.
I like who I am.
I feel closer to God.

But change is hard, the chameleon (think Pasquale in Tangled) changes his color, but always changes back.

The heart is the key. If you want real change, hardcore, see the difference, know there is a difference change, then it must be from the heart.....see Pasquale's change is only skin deep and as vivid as his change is, the depth of it is known by all.

Change of heart.

I forgot to let my annual Christmas beard grow. I like to stop shaving on Thanksgiving and then shave on Christmas. This year I am changing it. (12/25-2/14)

Monday, November 08, 2010

so you, thought you, might like to, go to the show

It's 7:45ish and my bud just called and said he has a tix for tonight's performance of The Wall. The train is now leaving Wilmington DE. I have my guitar and two bags of luggage and need to get transportation to the show. He said Roger does not hit the stage till 8:20...I asked him to tell Roger to go on at 9. Fat Chance.

To be cont.

Wil hooked me up, dropped my bags at the Amtrak counter for 3 bucks each and I can pick them up in the AM.
Trained it to the "Wells Fargo Center" and made it to the show by 8:45, one hour after getting the news. I missed a bit, but saw PLENTY. This did not resemble a typical concert---I mean it was Pink Floyd (aka Roger Waters) and yes I have now seen Floyd (at least a semblance of them) . I will be posting a full review on my concert review blog. stay tuned.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

What I'm reading...

Junger wrote the Perfect Storm which was an amazing book and forced me to keep him on my radar as an author to watch.

A few of his books have come with less positive feedback in the aftermath of the storm and I have laid him low on the priority list enjoying the occasional magazine article and such, but keeping the books at bay till now.

WAR- I saw this at the local Barnes, ordered it from Amazon the next day and got it shortly thereafter. It has certainly been a quick moving intriguing read, but not quite as gripping as I anticipated, but certainly as telling.
War is an interesting concept, Junger is keeping an unbiased thought process for which I am grateful and even though I am not done reading I feel compelled to share some wisdom.

EXCERPT- "They have a huge shoulder-fired rocket called a Javelin, for example, that can be steered into the window of a speeding car half a mile away. Each Javelin round costs $80,000.00 and the idea that it's fired by a guy who doesn't make that in a year at a guy who doesn't make that in a lifetime is somehow so outrageous..."

So, I many Javelin rockets have we fired and how many have we purchased and what if we put the money spent on that towards the overall good of people?

Yeah....they bombed us....first? I don't know, but I learned in 6th grade from the assistant principal, Mr. Parker that "two wrongs, don't make a right".



Friday, November 05, 2010

learning how to fly

every day, every morning, every minute and moment more special then the last

I am learning how to fly, fly with wings like an angel, isn't that true trust? When you can fall and then fly? This is not in the traditional sense, this is in the trust sense.

Trusting others with all.


I have participated and conducted trust falls where one is above the ground and trusts those below to catch. That is KNOW they will catch you.

What about trusting yourself, your thoughts, your breath?

It is time to grow, time to fly....cut the strings of doubt and despair and spread your wings of life and let the light shine.

TRUST. Trust yourself, trust your HEART, trust God...for He will never, ever, ever abandon and will always love like no other.

feel His warmth.

Sunday, October 31, 2010


I awoke this morn' and was thankful for the day. Hard to believe I have another day before me and I think; what will I do with this day, what will I make of this day, what could possibly stand out and make this day any brighter or sunnier or lively and full of life?

And then I think of Him, yes, God, how He loves everybody and I do mean EVERYBODY, God doesn't choose me over you or you over me, He loves us all.

And I think of how we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) and how we are all sinners, that we all are imperfect, we are just "men".

And I think of my sons and how obedient they are to me and me to my dad and how Jesus was obedient to His father and did what was asked of Him....and yes, He did it for us. For us to live not only eternally of which He promised, but also to live now, right now with joy and peace.

So let us take this day as it is, as a gift and unwrap it slowly enjoying the moments and the people with love as He loves.

Friday, October 22, 2010


Flew into Tampa Bay this AM. Visiting with my sister Paige, hubby Tom and nieces Emily and Riley. And we should not forget Peanut, but she will get a whole post.

Had to knock out a work issue so Paige and Mar (my lovely wife) dropped me at the house as they went to pull the kids out of school for lunch at the local Moe's.

Got to walk around my sisters house for a few minutes and absorb her homemaking skills. Simplicity at it's best.

I think Riley's art really states it all.

Love my nieces.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Good Morning "Today"

Dear "today",
Good morning to you! It is great to see you again. I missed you as I slept last night and am so glad to see you again! You look great, and you are definitely bringing your new look and feel full swing. I can feel your crispness today and I really like the new colors you are using and I love the way you fluctuated your brightness this morning.

I am really looking forward to seeing you all day. I hope it is a long day.
You are really making me smile, my good friend, "today".....thanks for being there!



Monday, October 11, 2010

Time w/Dad

It's Monday night and spent some time watching Pawn Stars and American Pickers with my dad, but before we did that I baked some pizzas. They were surprisingly good. I didn't think the dough was going to come out good, but it did.

Nothing spectacular happened during the meal or the television watching; we traded some info/knowledge we had and enlightened each other, but mostly we just enjoyed the pizza and the time.

That is something I am taking more advantage of..."time". Time is so precious and I have been letting it slip away and not taking advantage of moments and the opportunities those moments present. Finding the time to make the dough and letting it rise. finding the time to make time for dinner w/dad. Finding the time to make the calls to the people we care about.

These are the things I am trying to accomplish.

I went to an oldie, but goody today- "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
Galatians 5.

I really like the part about "against such things there is no law"; what I think I have found, in life is that if you practice the fruits of the Spirit there really is no law against them. Always take the lower road, the opposite of what the world wants. When we do these things, our life is fuller and more complete and most of all...much more satisfying.

Let me practice these things for I lack "self-control" and "gentleness" and I am not always very "kind". May I find peace and joy in all of the fruits as I learn how to be like them.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

The Story of Sean aka Buckaroo Banzai

It was 26 years ago today that our 1st born was born, Sean Patrick Perazzelli.

It was about 10:00ish AM on Monday 10/8/84 that Mar's water broke and off to the hospital we sped to spend the entire day there. Mar remembers me leaving her side throughout the day and I of course remember little.

Fast forward- the evening has come, Mar isn't dilated and the premiere of the Burning Bed is on national TV huh? Farrah Fawcett running away from her abusive husband...just what the Dr. ordered.

The movie ended at 11:30...that's how you knew it was really went beyond the normal 11 PM end time. Finally....permission to change channels (yes, we were waiting for our baby to be born) and lo' and behold- Oakland/Seattle and Seattle comes back to beat the Raiders--yay!.

Mar is starting to experience more pain, maybe it was the football, but her desire to go 100% natural is quickly diminishing and with that an epidural is requested...say it's about 12:05ish and the nurse administers the shot and within minutes Margaret is feeling a MAJOR and I do mean MAJOR desire to push. I go and find the nurse who returns with me, takes one look under Mar's gown and say's "DON'T PUSH!, I'm going to get the Dr. and you (pointing to me) need to get your gown on...NOW". So the nurse runs out and I run out to get changed leaving my lovely wife alone with a strong desire to push this baby out!!!!!

Somehow we make it to the operating room in all it's sterility with giant lamps focused down and masked people all around. I have two cameras with me...a Polaroid and some other camera and not one pic came out....they were all out of focus from me shaking.

Mar pushes him out---Stop---HIM, we were not having a boy, we knew we were having a girl and in our own blindness did not realize having a son was in the plans and we did not have any name or any plans on how to proceed. I remember Mar smiling, I remember his head, all pink and elongated like a football (the nurse quickly told me that his head would reshape) and I remember the nurse saying...."it's okay, you can touch him" and I looked at her with seriousness and like are you sure I can touch him? Wow....what a beautiful moment of life.

Mar held him....we were both so young. Mar looked content. I hung till she fell asleep at least I think I did and at some crazy early AM hour drove home from Voorhees to Pine Hill. It was during this time that an amazing thing happened. It was now Tuesday, October 9th and in the dark , dark night while driving home, elated, with the radio on they were playing Beatles and not just any Beatles, but two songs (double shot Tuesday) and all I remember is this incredibly poignant moment happening in that the song that came on was "Beautiful Boy" and John singing to his son Sean. Wow, wow, wow....and after the song was played the DJ came on and said...."Beautiful Boy by John Lennon written for his son Sean who both share today; October 9th as their birthday and all I could think was S-E-A-N, how perfect, how beautiful, how amazing for he, our son, is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.

A few hours later upon returning to the hospital I let Mar know of my of my drive home and of what I thought we should do in naming our son and we did, we named him "Sean" as he shares John and Sean Lennon's birthday and he truly was and is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.
Happy birthday Sean!!!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

people and raspberries

I picked my 1st raspberries today. Picked a handful, I did. I have to keep remembering that it is the hand that plants, the hand that picks and our God that grants sunshine and rain.

Raspberries are easy.

People are more difficult.

I like to share my raspberries with other people.
It's more fun.
We smile.

Jesus has it right.

Turn the other cheek.

Help the robber in the ditch on the side of the road.

They are your neighbors.

Focusing on the needs of others is and can be painful, but it is our calling, it's what Jesus did and we are to be like Him.

I want to be like Christ. I don't need raspberries, but I need fellowship with people.

Remember Tom Hanks in Cast Away?
He made Wilson, for company, companionship, for LOVE.

love, love, love

love, love, love

love, love, love


Wednesday, May 05, 2010


- a person who professes beliefs and opinions that he or she does not hold in order to conceal his or her real feelings or motives

Sometimes I wonder, I wonder who I am. Just a big fake, putting on some show of something or other that confuses even me.

Maybe I am, am a hypocrite that is. Truth is I am not even sure. I am just sure of one thing and it's where I rest everything with all of my truths/lies and faults. And that is Jesus. So if all of this comes across as fake or false to you, I am sorry.

I do things I am ashamed of.
I say things I am embarrassed to say.
My actions are not always pure.
My thoughts...well God help us there.

God gives us all of this daily/hourly and by the minute, but do I accept it?

where who what how when Arrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!

I lay my head down every night somewhere
it rests easy because despite my inequities Jesus is the one thing that I know.

(I have recently been called a hypocrite by 3 different people, one of whom is very close to me)
these words hurt, but are mere words
not whips
not chains
not nails

When that (being called "that", that is) happens it gives you a serious gut check.

take my world apart please Lord.....break it, shatter it-- SMASH IT.
Let me die daily.

I have and am nothing
utterly nothing

Monday, May 03, 2010

Love is.....

Next to Quebec City Hall- The tulips had just started blooming
The most European city in all of North America-- AGREED!
Our innkeeper stated this is where to get the best dessert in all of Quebec- we bought 3
Lunch on the grass
with my best friend
Margaret Mary

Love is....
Lady shopkeeper- Married?
Margaret- Yes, 28 years in June
Lady Shopkeeper- What is the secret?
Margaret- Many things help, but the real secret is Jesus Christ
Lady Shopkeeper- No one has ever said that before, I like it

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

walk the streets

i am going to go walk the streets

i think that's where the lost are

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Dear God

There's this song(s). If you are a music lover---go for it! "Laughing With" by Regina Spektor and "Dear God" by Monsters of Folk.

SEARCHING aren't we all? I believe I have found the truth. The search is over, but the truth is....I doubt. I do doubt, but I don't, at least not publicly or do I? IDK!?!?!?!?!?


enjoy them

use them

4 the glory f God

everything else is meaningless

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


would've should've could've

leave it all on the floor

the next 2-3 years


till there's nothing left

a new dawn

who knows what the day will bring

do not plan for tomorrow for you know what not today may bring

a new dawn
a new day

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


the snow, like the light of CHRIST making everyday anew has covered the sin, yes, the "sin" of life with a blanket of pure white snow...making "IT" anew.

"it" being life, the very life that makes us anew.

Pursue Christ
this moment

Monday, February 08, 2010



Two twin homes, side by side
The first two homes have a barrier
The second have none

these two, twin homes, are next to each other

someone extended love and shoveled all

someone else didn't

God still loves all

Can't we, can't me?????

Saturday, February 06, 2010


The storm surge was 20'-30'.

Feb 6th, 2010 "snowmageddon" storm
upwards to 30" of snow blanketed in what is
arguably the wealthiest most populated sector of the world

Tomorrow the New Orleans SAINTS take the field
in the epic Superbowl match

Peyton is Goliath in stature
The "aint's", 'nuff said.

Today I saw a "Fluer-de-lis"
In an epic snowstorm

Who are the SAINTS?
We are the SAINTS!

good prevails

(I'm just sayin')

Thursday, January 14, 2010

the impossible---DEFEATED (well almost)

Today at 2:00 I decided that I would attempt to catch the 5:05 leaving Union Station DC for Philly with a Matchbox Meat Pizza in tow for the one of my favorite sons, Tails (pictured). Incidentally I have two favorite sons Sean & Taylor.

Since I was at Union Station when I decided this it should have been pretty easy.....right?
I also had to accomplish many tasks between that time and get back to Union with said pizzas.

1. take Metro red line to yellow to Crystal City and get 500 copies of stuff from Kinkos

2. find out that my pre-ordered kinkos stuff was all done in portrait when it was sent to them in landscape....wait an additional 30 minutes. they discount the job by 100.00--it's never about the money's about the people.

3. take metro yellow to pentagon city fashion center mall and have mini conference with store management & order said pizza

4. take yellow to "downtown chinatown" (gosh i love saying that) and pick up pizzas (hey, I ordered one for me too!)

5. take red to union station and distribute some stuff and do some HR and then have a heavy meeting with district's 4:23PM

6. looks like i might accomplish the impossible, but once again I talked too much and missed the train by literally one minute.....i watched it pull away.

bottom line....we will have pizza and the impossible was almost defeated

once again proving that nothing ----hear me loud, hear me clear---


in one hour the pizza will be served in South Jersey....I ordered the classic Fire & Smoke for me and the Matchbox Meat for the men. I had them cook the pizza 3/4's of the way and we will finish them off.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Your goverment @ work

Another case of the ridiculous.

On January 6th we received in the mail the local "South Jersey" phamplet outlining the events surrounding me. I thought it interesting that the brouchere; full color, with sponsored advertising and featuring "Fall/Winter 2009-2010" has only one event listed that is still valid. You see this non-profit goverment appointened entity had a few errors to contend with. Poor printing issues, informational issues, staff cuts, computer glitches and so on.

SERIOUSLY.....this is a non-profit entity run by the Tourism Board of NJ and they just wasted serious monies in mailing out an outdated brochure on S Jersey!!! When I called and questioned them on their practices they said; "they had to use the grant money"....what about starving people people? What about lay-offs and other stuff?! You had to use the money to send this out or lose grant money and cease to exist? Go ahead....cease to exist! You are an embarrassment to the citizens and taxpayers of the state of New Jersey. To print this with MY money is ridiculous, period.

Pamphlet dated Fall Winter with two ( I stand corrected) valid events listed. All other events have passed.

The ol' cliche....if I did my job in the for profit world the way you performed yours.....OUT OF BUSINESS!

Monday, January 04, 2010

years months weeks days hours minutes seconds

I was living in the basement of my mother-in-laws house. It was killer cold with insane winds and my wife (nine months pregnant) and I were not necessarily getting along. My wife said it was time and we got in the car and drove to West Jersey Voorhees hospital, down Erial Road in Pine Hill we drove....the Christmas trees out for the trash men blowing in front of the car as we sped to the hospital. It was on this day that Aryn Alison was born. After her birth the hospital staff said I had a "rich man's family", a son; Sean and now the coveted daughter. I certainly did not feel rich.

Today, Aryn, whose eventual AOL screen name was "Aryns a rebel" is 22 years old and she is engaged to who I would consider a family member in "bad news Johnny".

My wife, the mother of Ary is Margaret, and today I am somehow more in love with her then I have ever been. Thank you Margaret Mary; I love you.

The Christmas trees blowing in front of the car, the angst of my wife that night and the day after Aryn's birth, Sean (the first born) seeing and loving Aryn are not capable of any words I could ever put in type.

Time is so precious; so, so precious. Don't ever lose sight of time. Take advantage of the years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes & seconds for they pass faster then the blink of your eye.
Happy B-Day Aryn A...I love you, dad