Wednesday, March 25, 2015

heavy heart/lamentation

"and as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them" God

"may you always do for others, and let others do for you" Bob Dylan

a lamentation
how do I get him to understand this principal that has served me my whole life?

what have I done wrong to cause his ungratefulness and it my own selfishness????

where o'where are the answers my Lord?

where can I find peace amongst this heartbreak?


changing someone's heart ranks among the hardest thing to accomplish
yes, they must want to change it, i get it, i understand, but when a heart can do the most simplest of things in showing love and caring for others and someone's selfishness can't see beyond that....that hurts. 

help me Lord. 

help them Lord

help me help them o'Lord. 

Monday, March 23, 2015

Mornings mean COFFEE!!!!!

......Mornings mean God. 

I love God so much. I talk to Him. He listens. He loves me despite everything about me. And there is a lot about me that is not pretty. 

I talk to Him about the people in my life, the people I care deeply about. Not all of those things change when I ask Him to change things. I don't always understand why and I may never understand. That's one of the reasons when He tells me to pray for "understanding", I do. 

This AM I read this amazing passage in the bible. It makes perfect sense. As if you just put the last piece of a puzzle in and the picture is complete. That's what God's word does for me. 

I Hope I don't lose you here - 

"In him was life, and the life was the light of men. "
In Jesus was LIFE and should we choose that LIFE we will have serious crazy insane LIGHT

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it"
And that line....speaks for itself. 

May you find God, may you have peace and joy and happiness. Pray for wisdom and understanding. Be light. 

Friday, March 20, 2015

as broken as the world

from pure joy to negative emotions in ten minutes or less.

And the morning starts out ever so beautifully. The morning light working it's way into the day. The wildlife bustling and hustling in their routine.

6AM. wake-up, make coffee, pack for a two day work trip. Prepare a note for mechanic to drop truck off for reinspection, shower, clean truck out (quickly), knock out some minor dishwashing, toss the shedding lilies out till I can get more flowers, rewrite note to repair shop (forgot some things), gently lay with Margaret before leaving, snuggle.

Drive truck to repair shop, walk to Patco enjoying the heavy flurry of snow, make an incredibly positive fb post. Walk with a skip in my step.

Get to train station and wait and wait and wait and wait and begin to lose said skip continuing to wait KNOWING that my 8:42 AM train to DC will not wait and my cushion of 12+ minutes is going away with each passing second.

The train arrives over 20 minutes late.

My mind has totally rearranged my day since the chances of me making my Amtrak train are all but dissipated.

Where did my joy go, that skip in my step that was present not even 20 minutes ago?

I know I still have it, but I totally let a late train negate my joy and my emotions are starting to run rampant.

There was nothing I could do arriving on the 2nd train platform of the day (Septa) with 22 minutes till the Regional Amtrak departs.

It all worked out, it always does. Not worthy of  miracle status or maybe so.

Maybe we need to measure the seconds a little better, maybe it is in the detail of time where we find godly joy.

I stand now, waiting for the Regional Amtrak to's about 3 minutes out, so they say....meanwhile I listen, hoping to notice the seconds as they occur.