Friday, December 20, 2013


what is it I search for?

The peace of the sunset, the peace of the day. Mornings of leisure and evenings of laughter. Instead of days that run together pulling us asunder.

Our daily goals and purposes becoming achievements that God will never measure.

I want my life to be one that God measures. A life that has true meaning.

I want to be the man that God wants me to be, designed me to be.

I don't want to chase the lottery.

and when the morning light comes streaming in
i'll get up and do it again
say it again
The Pretender, J. Browne 

"whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men" God

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

this world is not my home

When I was 21 and Margaret and I were expecting Sean, I got a second job at WaWa that turned into a 10 year career and my dreams of growing an annual holiday beard were dashed as WaWa has a no facial hair policy.

In 1994 WaWa and I parted and since that parting I have grown a holiday/winter beard from Thanksgiving to Christmas, despite my daughter hating a kiss from the bearded daddy.

It is the time to shave the beard early.
Change is needed. There is an urgency to this change. I can't explain it. I need to renew.

In the past few weeks the normal amazing sunrises and sunsets have occurred and an amazing full moon moonrise. Snow has laid. Ice has coated  What the world has offered has been a world of beauty and wonder. I have met people in the past week who have changed my world for the better and I hope I have done the same for them as we experience life, but yet, the beard must go. Time to awaken my soul with change.

A co-worker, Robin, dropped her mom at the mall entrance, parked and proceeded walked to meet her. Robin was hit in the parking lot while walking. She is improving.

A friend's sister; Juli, had a stroke at 27. Speech/walking are all now difficult. She too is improving.

My son-in-law Johnny's friend, Geoff had a friend that was killed by a car while crossing the street. He was 22.

I am only scratching the surface.

 When I was 5 years old I started calling to God, in the sky to show himself. I wanted God to prove his existence to me. You see, the Santa bubble had been broken, Santa wasn't real and I wanted God to be real, God, the creator, to be real.  God needed to prove his existence to first grader Tate Perazzelli of 139 Northmont Drive, Mt. Ephriam, NJ.

It has taken years of searching and reckoning to know the truth about God and even that knowing  comes with doubt.

That's why the beard must go.
I know there is a God.
I know this world is not my home and heaven is.

Sometimes I must make physical changes to remind my inner-self of what I already know in my heart of hearts. - - God is real, He has promised me and anyone who looks for Him eternal life.

Look for Him. Make a change .

Saturday, December 07, 2013

kindness, don't ask for much

There's a song I listened to a lot last year. "Kindness" by Ryan Adams. 
A friend of mine, Adam, once said that all Ryan Adams does is write good songs, in this case, Ryan did. 
Ryan Adams

The lyrics are what hit home- 
If you're so kind can you let down your hand?
Can you let down your hand if your so kind?
And then - 
If you're so strong can you shelter the weak?
Will you listen as the strangers speak?  Bring them calm?

I have always felt I was kind, at least when I wanted to be kind. I was kind when people deserved my kindness, when they earned it. 

And then something started happening. I started seeing people differently, I saw them with less and less judgement and more and more love. Even those people I don't like. Even those people whose appearance(s) I struggle with. Even those that irritate me. 

You see, I am starting to treat others as I want to be treated. 

the chorus of the song goes like this....."kindness, don't ask for much, but an open mind"

so whatever you wish others would do to you, do also to them - - God

judge not and you will not be judged - - God

open your mind and heart to God for He is real, true and never changing. 


Sunday, December 01, 2013

over n over n over

whenever I work on a teaching a bible class it's like the same topics OVER and OVER and OVER for me -

all I can say is thank God for them!

gonna add in a little peace and understanding today :)

Thursday, November 28, 2013

a tad personal today


thankful today, for the here and now. thankful for the moment

the coffee to grace my lips

my wife who is my best friend

thankful that i can see the last leaf on a tree - hanging on, hanging in there despite the cold winds pushing and shoving

thankful for my children and their loved ones

sean such a well rounded man taking his mother's love and beauty and my wit and humor to new heights

aryn so beautiful and intelligent, a woman with smarts and beauty who knows how to get things done

taylor so sensitive to the world, so like his father, so learning about himself - a man whom I am so proud of, a man who has more potential to do good in the world then most.

thankful for my family.

thankful for Jesus Christ for whom despite my errors as a husband and father has given me grace in His kingdom and grace to be a man for my family. thank you good Lord.

maybe you don't understand the admittance of my imperfectness and "sin" in my life that has caused me to seek out God. If you've come this far I will share this.....we have had more troubles and trials in our family then I would dare share publicly and at the end of the day you have heard this- You can be sure of death and taxes within your life. I am here to tell you today that if you seek out God with your heart - truly look for the truth of this world that the death  you can be sure of is turned to life - eternal life

 " I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me" God

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Le Mis (short version) =

Isnt it in the beginning that the protagonist of Le Miz stays with a local priest and steals his fine silver? After stealing the silver, the thief is captured and returned to the priest and the priest says "he gave the man his silver"! Allowing the thief to be not only forgiven but to go free and GET THE SILVER!!!

And we all LOVE this. Love the character, love the priest's actions and yet.....we do not do as we see, do we.

Why do we love this and fail to do the same and even go so far as to loathe people that beg and steal who are not far from the Jean Valjean character.

Jean Valjean is just a performance right? A character taken from someone's imagination who is either at any given moment; a play, performance, movie and one day, perhaps, a television show.

And where did Victor Hugo the  writer come up with such stuff? Do you think he witnessed some people like his very characters within his lifetime. I think so. Maybe Mr. Hugo saw them differently. Saw the potential and believed in them. Do we, should we?

I cannot imagine that priest....someone I did not know. Who gave me care, whom I stole from, actually vouching for me, but he did. Not only did he vouch for me but he believed in me.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

amazing words

Do not say, " I will repay evil;" wait for the Lord and he will deliver you. 

Who can say, " I have made my heart pure; I am clean from sin"?

Plans are established by counsel;  

Steadfast love and faithfulness preserve the king, and by steadfast love his throne is upheld. 

these are the words of God from his living Word the bible. Proverbs 20 ESV.

I have not found anything in this world as pure and life giving then God; and it is His word that sustains me over and over and over again. 

Thursday, October 31, 2013


It's October 31st with a slight morning overcast and beautiful fall colors.

I have scanned a listing of friends in the facebook world and there are plenty whose name evokes a memory, people whom I miss and then there are people who have passed.

I remember the first facebook friend who passed....seeing people share memories in John's status.

What will they write when we pass?

What will it matter?

I am touched by several things this morning.
I am not sure it matters to me what anyone writes or thinks of me. Accolades are always nice, but I can't help but think, as much as peer pressure, even for this 50 year old man is real, I can't help but think, of things that really

My shoes don't matter
Nor does the color or lack of hair.

What matters is today - the here and now
the leaves
the people - the people we have left
what matters is love and understanding and peace (I think there's a song in there somewhere)

Those names that scrolled by, well some are gone - I miss them - it can hurt
there is pain in this world. and then I look at the leaves. I am in awe. and I long for another day when I will be in awe.

"the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us" God

Friday, October 25, 2013

at the end of the day

I guess at the end of the is normal to fear death

but I don't


I  don't

I long for heaven

I long for a world that doesn't have

hurtpaindiseasesickness and death

that world exisits

do you #believe

Saturday, October 19, 2013

met a man today

met a man today

told me he had a terrible week

he has four children

he is from west chester, he lives in boston

a) he stopped to help someone in a car accident at 230 am,while stopped, his car got hit and was totaled
b) his father passed away
c) while at his father's and making arrangements, work called- "we are not renewing your contract, take your time at your father's, you no longer work for us" they said

to say there is not a God, a God who loves and is giving would be crazy. He just wants us to love Him as close to unconditionally as we can, for that is how He loves us.


And then you wake-up and it's a new day. Maybe it's overcast, or the sun is bright or it's still dark out. nonetheless you are awake,.

What's to happen next. What do you want to see happen next.

What are the choices.

we always have choices - always

Thursday, September 12, 2013

depression - - just get over it?!?!

A depressed friend told me that a mutual friend of ours told him to "just get over it", his depression, that is. My friend and I both laughed- - if only it were that easy. 


I have witnessed depression and been depressed and  I am an expert in nothing, I can only speak from my own personal experience. 

Things in life seem to have a domino effect. 
When things are good they all seem good. May as well play the lottery when things are good, and if you win all the better. Lose, hey. no worries, you tried...right?

Try playing the lottery when you are depressed and looking for light, hope something, anything to live for, and then - - the inevitable, YOU LOSE. Are you kidding me...I can't take another negative/sad/depressing/non-uplifting thing. Kill me already!

But, we do have- - - - - Our State of Mind

There are plenty of endorphins (whatever they really are) and things that fuel said endorphins - 
for me they are
recognition     I love, love, love recognition - it is a fuel for me. An energy. A place I love. I love to make people laugh/smile/cry and experience emotion(s)
music             Music transforms my thoughts, makes me smile, makes me clap and cry. I wish I could truly capture the "what it is" about music. Music is amazing and so is fruit. And I do mean that. 
chili peppers This is cRaZY weird for me. hot, HOT HOT peppers do something to me. They lift me up over normalcy and I love that. I can't explain it, I just love it. 
touch              Not to get weird on anyone, but I love touch. Touch is not always politically correct, but it stimulates my emotions. I love it and crave it. 
love                The most powerful emotion known! Imagine being loved simply and completely for WHO YOU ARE - PERIOD. (and you are) 

When you wake up
Think of the now. Think of what you have and be thankful for it. Yes, there may be pain and even hunger and thirst of the type that I have never know, but you have that moment and that is ALL we ever really need.....the moments. Whatever they may be. However many they may be.  And if we can share them, all the better. 

My favorite words of God are this - "encourage one another daily as long as it is called today" 
A wonderful and beautiful command from God himself. By doing so, everything becomes all that much easier. 

May God bless you. 

Saturday, September 07, 2013

Get Happy!

On Tuesday morn' fresh off the holiday weekend, while listening to the radio; it was said that this was International Enthusiasm Week. Who knew? This information sure made me enthusiastic and excited that we had a week dedicated to enthusiasm. 

But then I wondered while preparing a memo for work; on where and who planned such an exciting week and with a few keystrokes and clicks I found out.

When googling International Enthusiasm Week not much really comes up. But what does come up is a short mantra as follows- 
Sept 1-10 Display genuine enthusiasm to every person, every project, every possibility that comes your way. It will change your week, your month, your year, your life. For info: Carolyn Stein, PO Box 630034, Miami, FL 33163. Phone (877) 771-0772. Fax (305) 682-1416. E-mail: Web:

So....who is Carolyn Stein, and what caused her to do this? 

I mean, we can call her? Which I did, but not at 10:30 PM. I decided to wait till the next morning. 

She answers, "hello"

 "Carolyn?, Carolyn Stein?" I ask. 

"Yes, who's this?" She replies. 

I identify myself and explain my reason for calling. 

Carolyn is an enthusiastic woman. 
She believes the best thing we wear, is on us. 
She liked that I made up Universal Smile As You Walk Day last Tuesday
She took my email. 
We talked. 
We shared enthusiasms of a bigger picture. 
We said good-bye. 

I was enthused. 

Imagine if we greeted each person, project and every single possibility that comes your way with genuine enthusiasm, all year or howabout ALL LIFE, ALL THE TIME. 

genuine enthusiasm all the time
genuine enthusiasm all the time
leave it all on the floor
all the time

Tuesday, September 03, 2013


 It's been over 8 years since Hurricane Katrina formed and made landfall in New Orleans, Louisiana. 

It was the summer of 2005, as eventful as any summer previous. Sun, heat and fun. Late August brought news of a hurricane forming - Katrina. With the technology and news coverage, what it is, where it is we had the normal abundance of reporters braving "where no man has gone before" and a greater number of "me's" watching from the safety of their living rooms and bedrooms believing we could withstand the winds as well as any news reporter.

It was the morning after landfall. 

The hurricane was declared over. 
Damage was minimal. 


they broke

the water came and came and came and came and came and came and came and came and came and came and came and came and came and came and came and kept on coming and coming and coming and coming and coming and coming as if it would never ever stop. 

There is a girl I know, she goes by the name of "Z", spelled Xiomra, Xi for short.We work for the same company, in the same positions. Me on the east coast and her in New Orleans. 

We, the company, felt a kindred spirit for Xi and her staff during this time. Contact was lost. Voicemails and phone contact was non-existent. 

New Orleans suffered, yes, in many ways New Orleans died. 
Contact was lost. People were lost. People died. 

and yet people survived. PEOPLE LIVED. PEOPLE BECAME STRONGER. 

It was Xi, who during a phone message to the corporate office summed up everything. 

She said - "when we finally make contact with someone and then when we say good-bye, we don't say goodbye, we say I love you for we don't know when or if ever we will see them again. 

I love you

Thursday, August 22, 2013

cRaZY lOVe

the only way to get "crazy love" is to give "crazy love"

go forth and give crazy love 
this is your mandate

Thursday, August 01, 2013

bagels and airplanes

A man sat alone at the Einstein Bagel table, with his earphone cord stretching to the table where his phone lay. Between his hands lay a small piece of paper His fingers working the paper and folding it. As he looked up, his eyes met mine. He gently smiled. I smiled back as my eyes trailed to the paper between his hands. Paper airplanes. He was folding a paper airplane. It was a beautiful moment.

A moment of human acknowledgement

A moment of creativity

A moment of understanding

A moment of peace

A moment of time with value no less or no more then any other moment, yet a moment appreciated and understood.

Imagine all moments to be of high value, for they are.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Dylan on Jesus

Bob Dylan sings - "don't follow leaders, who watch parking meters"
You have to sing it slow, and kinda gnarly with a twang. Try it again -
don't follow leaders, who watch parking meters

"and those who know your name put their trust in you" God

I think Bob is on to something - If we are not following leaders, then who are we following?

Later on Bob sang and wrote - "well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody" 

When you want to good in the world. You are seeking God, just embrace it, the pilgrimage of good, to God. Embrace it. 

Friday, July 12, 2013

where to find motivation

It's easy to be motivated when someone else encourages you and then that doesn't last. 

It's easy to have confidence when everything is going well, and that too doesn't last. 

When you are out there on your own, which is more times then not, when the rubber hits the road, then we see what we are made of. 

Remember that guy stuck in a canyon in Utah who amputated his own arm?
((wiki Aron Ralston for the full story or better yet...catch the movie)) 
Guess he wanted to live. He certainly had motivation. Life was his motivation. While he was stuck and dehydrated he dreamt, he had a vision of a baby that he would one day have and he did. 

That is vision. 

They are tied together - motivation and vision. 

I believe motivation and confidence, they come from our very own vision and when we don't have vision...well do we have true motivation and confidence?

And what gets in the way of this vision...the can'ts/have nots/will nots/should nots/the giver uppers and things that are impossible. Dr. Seuss so eloquently call this "the waiting place" in "Oh, the places you will go!"

All of the above can be summed up as this - we are what gets in the way of OUR vision(s). It's ourselves we are the obstacle(s). 

One of my favorite quotes has always been a dreamer kind of quote 

Create the Vision
Articulate the Vision
Then Relentlessly Drive it to Completion

Go ahead, get out of your way and dream.

Saturday, July 06, 2013

the heart

"Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life"

That has been something (guarding my heart) I have been working on for years and most especially in the last few months. THEN came this - -

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?

And here I stand. Clearly a man who looks for "heart"; searches for discernment, compassion, authenticity, passion and truth. 

And then again, realizes how deceitful  by nature the heart is!

Woe is me. 

Who amongst us can say that they are perfect and good among us?
Are we not all deceitful by nature hopefully working towards being good and doing what is right?  Who here can say they are not ever deceitful?

The reasons I believe that Jesus is the son of God are many; this is one, none of us are pure and good by nature, we must work towards being good. 
This is why God sent His son, to earth, to die for us, to give us that grace as we pursue goodness and righteousness for His glory. 

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word."

Google "Grace" by u2 - - give a listen
God's word from- Proverbs 4 - Jeremiah 17 - Psalm 119

Love, wisdom and understanding, 


Saturday, June 15, 2013

A Hoarder of a Different Kind

In Chichicaste , Central America, they only have running water till noon, only the mayor owns a vehicle and there may be 3 TV's in the whole village. And as far as the bathroom situation - - we won't go there, I know I was there. 

I used to collect all the different coffee cups I would get, that may have stemmed from collecting different soda bottles through out the years. 2 years ago I threw away 3 milk crates full of random soda bottles - this is what I have left. 

While I was in Chichicaste we had these little plastic yogurt cups. I can't remember if there was ever  yogurt in them or not (we didn't have refrigeration),  but I remember they were little plastic cups. The first night we were there we buried all our trash at the end of the day. The next morning the kids were running around with those cups - they were a treasure!

That's not why I hoard, I am just fascinated with "things". 

I've recently started collecting the labels off of cans. The art work on cans is interesting  I once saw an Antiques Roadshow where someone had found tins cans from the late 1800's. The artwork was drastically different.

I like the common, the everyday simplicity. Like the moments of life. The simple, timeless moments of enjoyment. Things like the moon (when visible), never being the same. The clouds racing across the sky....or not. It is here, when I stop, I find joy and happiness. When I stop the world, and look at labels and common things. My brain moves to fast most often. I am always trying to slow it down......way down, so I can see. 

Friday, June 14, 2013

bonnaroo eve

view from my tent

The adventures of life and where/when/who you experience them with. 

In 2012 I experienced bonnaroo, 'roo was like nothing I had ever experienced. It was freeing and intimidating. It was joyful and like learning to fly. 

I think it helped me learn to fly. 

Timing is everything in life. And the timing that brought me to this venture was phenomenal. The music was crazy great. Bon Iver became my favorite band for a year after this event and Radiohead left me numb. The Civil Wars passion was intoxicating and Fun's performance was like watching a band come of age.  

I've said that bonnaroo is a music lover's paradise. If you are crazy about music - this is the place to be. 

But the takeaway was not the music. It was the people. 
Jessica and Russ
Nicole, Lacy and Tanya
Adam and whathis name who had a 90 something year old grandpop who were from one of the Dakotas. 
The Louisiana neighbors (Nick, Zach and Ben) and the youngsters behind us. 
Sam and the Tennessee clan who had everything one could need. 
And countless more. 

They were the takeaway. 

They were the inspiration. 

They were the real joy. 

They were what lives on, and on, in my soul. 

Leaving boxes of pop-tarts on the car with a sign that said "free" and returning to find them gone. Finding a note wrapped in plastic (rain) from our MN. neighbors saying "hey, great to meet you!" The music was beyond words, but experiencing it with others was the real joy. 

When we arrived it was like the Oklahoma land rush. 
Cars rushing up to their spot after spending 1-20 hours driving to get to this point,parking and pouring out to claim your campsite. The sky dark. 10:30 PM. Tents pitched. People talking. Taylor wanders to the bathroom ad-mist a sea of cars only to not find his way back until he called me (cell phones). 

Crawling into our newly created homes in a field in Tennessee, with 10's of thousands of people. All gathered to be free, show love and share the moments. Where moments mattered. 

It was in that tent where the fear arose. What am I doing here? What is going to happen? This is madness and it was above that madness that slowly from all around the peoples voices swelled up saying "bonnaroooooooooo", and my fear became greater in anticipation of an event that helped me realize who I was, who I am and to connect even further with myself in that freedom. 

That night was intimidating. The days were a bit overwhelming. And on this eve of bonnaroo 2013 I must say- I miss you bonnaroo. I wish I was there. I wish I could meet even more people. I wish I could experience you. 

2014 I think I am yours- God willing. 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

freedom in LOVE

there is freedom in love

real love 

love keeps no record of wrongdoing 
love is patient  ~  love is kind

Freddie sings "why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love"

"why can't we give love"

are we ready to receive love
do we want to receive love
are we ready to give love

give w\o return
love w\o return

be w\o ______

Thursday, May 16, 2013

play for me

Dear Street Musicians, 

Oh, how I love you. How you change my day and make me smile whenever and wherever I hear you. 

As I round the corner in of the city stairwells I hear the sounds of a flute or violin, a keyboard or sax and in some places I hear the beat on a pickle barrel. 

May the musicians of the world never stop singing and playing and being who they are. 

I love music; love, love, love music....more than popcorn, cole slaw, soft pretzels, heavily buttered and salted corn and more than a pizza fresh out of the oven with the cheese dripping into my mouth. 

Music does something

It brings people together
It forms bonds
It crosses bridges
It makes people smile 

Stop and listen

Hear the love
Feel the love
Become the love

tonight @7:20PMish at the bottom of the Metro steps leading  into Union Station this dude was taking music apart on his violin. Made it cry if you ask me. Just blew me away. I stopped, I sat. I listened. I cheered. Pure artistry. He played the Tango from the end of True Lies when Arnold and Jamie-Lee dance. He said the song meant "love" to love!

this world is not my home

I think of God and Jesus daily. I don't understand those that don't. God's word says pray for understanding and I do, but I don't understand those that have not reconciled death. Maybe they have reconciled and I just don't like their reconciliation(s)

The reconciliation for death, for me, is God, the Son and the Holy Ghost. 

I have searched my world and have experienced a vortex in Sedona, some weird stuff with a ouija board, but I  have not yet been to India, the Holy Land or Mecca. I have felt the Holy Spirit amongst mere men (and woman). I see Jesus in others eyes and hearts and on occasion I see evil in the eyes and hearts of men (and woman) and that evil turns my stomach (turns my stomach not in a judgemental way, but out of fear).

Today I saw evil again. It was fierce and piercing. It hurt my heart. 
I heard that evil, and amongst the pain caused by that evil I felt a collective uprising of hope, truth and love going against this evil.

I have reconciled. I am heaven bound and when I doubt, and I do, like a Christmas train falling off it's track, someone always picks me up and places my wheels back on that track, they push me back and forth a few times and then let me go.

May God bless you. 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013



The first tool I bought after the purchase of 505 Harrison Avenue in Collingswood, NJ (where I live), a monkey wrench, a large monkey wrench. We had a plumbing issue, which still persists to this day, 24 years later (albeit occasionally). 

I remember using this wrench, getting to the issue, working it over and over, and finally succeeding, although an issue still persists to this day.

I've not used this wrench since, well maybe once or twice very briefly, but mainly out of fondness. 

These experiences have added up to life. 

There have been other experiences, some in travels and some in daily routine commutes, They all add up to life. 

There was that time I chopped down a 30' maple, or the time I carted a Christmas tree to my daughter's to find it didn't fit in her stand. And then there was the moments we picked out the tree that did. 

There was the experience of almost routing my thumb off with a Roman Ogee bit (woodworkers?). And the times I didn't have my homework complete. 

Everything adds up to life. 

There was the time I gave away the medical scrubs in Honduras to find out I should not have. 

There were times I were snookered and times I did the snookering (not so proud of those). 

These were all times. All moments. All experiences. 


Minutes of life leading up to life.

We all need to take advantage of these experiences. 
We all need to understand these moments make up a life. 
We all need to use that life. 
use it for each other
for that is life

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

hit like a brick

For we know that the whole of creation ((the world)) has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now ((the pains/hurts/trials and tribulations of the world w/o God)). And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits ((put simply, believers of Jesus)) of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons ((heaven)), the redemption of our bodies ((heaven)).
Black words are God's and blue is commentary

every now and again I get hit with a brick in the head and I begin to understand something
today that happened

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

motivation/confidence and where we find it

 "the world could be fixed of it's problems if every child understood the necessity of their existence" Dwight D. Eisenhower

When I am confident I feel strong and when I am not I wonder where it is from that I gain said confidence and where does my motivation come from. I am struck with such phrases as- git er done and just do it.  There's also this quote - "To the degree we are willing to be ourselves is the degree to which we can honestly feel loved. The risk is always rejection." D. Miller

Do you wonder where you get your motivation from?

Do you wonder from wherein you gain confidence?

I blog about this thought process quite a bit and primarily because quite often, all of the mistakes and errors I have made come to a head and cause me to stumble. Billy Joel sings - "you're only human, you're allowed to make your share of mistakes". And yet myself, and I am sure others, dwell in their mistakes and errors. And it is hitting me. What if we did understand the necessity of our existence? What if we were just ourselves, in all of our glory, mistakes and all. Past history, errors, poor judgement and so on and so forth...need I go on?

Jesus calls it grace. You know that song isn't called Amazing Grace for nothing. his grace is amazing. More oft then not, the hardest person to offer forgiveness to is ourselves. 

So how do we do it? Where do we find it? 

I could be wrong, but for me I know, I get it from others. Their encouragement, their smiles, their knowing acceptances. I do not believe this is the same for all of us, although some may beg to differ.

So....the pig isn't finished and is a story unto itself. I need some motivation to finish it and will find it soon. 

But what motivates you? Where do you get your confidence from? Please share. 
Peace, grace and love. 

Friday, May 03, 2013

not giving up, not ever

Many people were attempting to successfully invent a light bulb, but it was Thomas Edison who did. 

Ever think about how he just kept at it? He had to figure it out. Creating a vacuum in the glass, figuring out what type of metal would hold the light. Over and over and over, again and again?

Today I cut granite slabs and I've never done that and after talking to some people determined that with the proper blade in a circular saw and with some water it could be done. 

I have to tell you that 1/2 way through the first cut, I was ready to give up. The saw blade bucked and then froze as the saw's engine let out a "I'm frozen" hum. It freaked me out. This is a 5' x 18", two inch thick piece of granite. Some serious, heavy, thick stone and my saw was not cutting it...literally. Am I going to get through this. I have a lot of cuts to make!! How is this going to work. Should I just.....give up?

I called a friend. 

She told me kinda what I already knew and was doing, she said yes, of course it can be done. She mentioned using a lot of water. 

I hung up, thought about what she had said

I said okay....more water, okay push down on the saw and okay let's see this through. I did. 

After each cut, I figured out something a little better to do. How to break the granite apart, how to properly disperse the water, how to do this and that, but yet, I was going to give up. Seriously give up. 

It was hard. 
It took all day. 
It's far from perfect (the cuts that is) and my ground is nice and muddy. 

But, I cut granite. Seriously thick granite. 

I often think about those telemarketers that always call. How do they do it? Why don't they give up? How to they have the spirit to call the next person, time after time after time?
They don't give up. 

Neither should we, not ever. 

Thursday, May 02, 2013

grow and inspire

grow and inspire

every day I am growing....even at the ripe age of fifty

every day I try to inspire, despite my prejudices
DESPITE MY PREJUDICES, that loom large, my prejudices, they loom large

every day I try to do something creative
and as I get older, I seem to get selfish

"star, star teach me how to shine, shine teach me so i so I know what's going on in your mind, cause I don't understand these people, saying the hills to steep well...." The Frames

let's all work on shining real bright like

Wednesday, May 01, 2013


Today has been long, my kinda day. I love long days. Days were purposed for 24 hours, and frankly I have never thought that was enough. I'd like to see a 32 hour day and in that, I have learned, sleep is a rejuvenator.

All in all, today was good. That being said there is so, so, much going on. BnB w/the lovely later this month, a wedding to attend  :),a  mini vaca with the youngest (21yrrs old), then camp, and not to mention work. New store opening and the fun that goes with it. 

Hey, word of God to follow - - you've been warned!!!!

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious enough for itself. Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble." Jesus the Christ  (go ahead.....reread that)

For those that struggle with; Jesus,I say, truly and really- what is wrong with those words???  What is wrong w/Christians??????...yeah, I get it. There is a lot wrong with Christians, and people in general, and then......"do not judge or you too, will be judged"....yeah Christians don't practice that exactly right now do they, nope. But many try....just like all of us do. 

But back to the subject at hand - today. What will tomorrow bring, bring for the people who ran the Boston Marathon?, for the people in 911?, the starving/dying children of the world?

I guess what I am trying to say is this-

Today was May 1st, 2013, and it was the only one ever made, hope you made the best of it and if not....there are still a few hours left. 


Thursday, April 25, 2013


imagine, if you will, that the most special moment(s) you ever had in life were always. 

that the happiness of those moments were for always. 

wouldn't that be something. 

I would love to freeze time forever. make the best days for always and never lose those emotions, those smiles and that happiness, that joy. 

but it goes away....doesn't it? Or does it?

that depends

what do you subscribe to?

do you subscribe to the world and it's ways?

Anderson Cooper is on CNN interviewing the Boston Fire Department
ESPN is broadcasting the NFL Draft
and somewhere, but not in my hotel room, the season finale of Project Runway is on

what if we subscribed to forever?
what if we all believed and...and....and....encouraged one another in that belief

would that belief come easier? 
would time become frozen....ahhhhhhhh

happiness in permanence

I think God calls it heaven

it is forever
it is always
encourage me
I will encourage you

there is nothing else, nothing else, but me...and you...nothing. 

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

the repertoire

Here is what I play- 

Wonder by Natalie Merchant
This is the first song I really learned. Especially the lyrics. Lyrics can be hard, but these lyrics came naturally and quickly. "They say I must be one of the wonders of God;s own creation, and as far as they see they can offer no explanation", that is the chorus and with my belief in God this came quickly. It lifts me up to know - " "I must be one of the wonders of God's own creation". And yet this is a song of pain and overcoming that pain with faith and love. 

Winter's Storm by Joshua James
I love playing this song....actually I love singing this song. I love immersing myself in singing the lyrics..By far the easiest song to play on guitar that I know and ranking up there as one of the most powerful songs I know.. 
A friend, Alex Miller, once encouraged me by saying- "some of the best songs I know are one chord.". Since I only play chords, right now, that was highly encouraging. This is not a one chord song, but close enough to what Alex said. The lyrics to this song are just drop dead powerful

Stars Go Blue by Ryan Adams
I have read in many places what this song means and what the writer Ryan meant when he wrote it. This  song does not really carry the same for me,, and I think that is okay. 
This song speaks to me of loneliness, something my personality feels all to often and it hits my heart. Yes, I have a family and an amazingly loving wife (who puts up with a lot), but all to often I am where the "stars go blue". 

He Loves by John Mark McMillan
This song speaks to my Christianity. Anyone who really knows me knows I try and try and try to be a godly man. I love singing this song to the masses, playing and singing it with a group of people. 
From the opening line - "He is jealous for me", He has me. 

Something Beautiful by Alexi Murdoch
Of everything I play I dream of mastering this simple, but amazingly powerful two sentence song. 
"May the grace of God be always in your heart, may you find the strength to know that; you are something beautiful"
"And I thought, that I saw, I thought I saw a light shine, thought I saw a light shine"
This song BLOWS ME AWAY. 

There are many songs that I started with that have not made the cut, but are still in the works-
Heart of Gold by Neil Young
Peace, Love and Understanding by Nick Lowe
To Love Somebody by the Bee Gees
Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd
Heroes by David Bowie
Hurt by Trent Reznor
God's Gonna Cut You Down by unknown; version I play by Johnny Cash
Silly Love Songs by Paul McCartney
Lantern by Josh Ritter
Can I Stay by Ray LaMontagne
...and the list goes on and on. 

If we should meet, I would enjoy playing anything I know with you dear reader. Thank you for reading and maybe even eventually listening. 

Thanks to so many people for music in my life- Judy Skeels, Adam Hill, Mike Weiss and the entire Upper Darby cru- Greg, Ricky, Aaron, Daniel, Sarah and Penny as well as Ben, Barbie and Louie. A big thanks to my locals- Gerry and Matt!! My camp alum- Mary, Mike, Debo, Tim and all the staff and of course my fam- Margaret, Sean, Aryn & Johnny and Taylor.
Playing has only been a part of my life in my latter years and you have all contributed more than you will ever know. 
And there is of course you....the reader. Thank you.
 I blog to get my emotions out, but to think someone may share them and love me, for me. Well...thank you. 
Grace - - Peace - - Love

what would you like to hear?