The Story of Sean aka Buckaroo Banzai

It was 26 years ago today that our 1st born was born, Sean Patrick Perazzelli.

It was about 10:00ish AM on Monday 10/8/84 that Mar's water broke and off to the hospital we sped to spend the entire day there. Mar remembers me leaving her side throughout the day and I of course remember little.

Fast forward- the evening has come, Mar isn't dilated and the premiere of the Burning Bed is on national television....wow...good TV huh? Farrah Fawcett running away from her abusive husband...just what the Dr. ordered.

The movie ended at 11:30...that's how you knew it was really special...it went beyond the normal 11 PM end time. Finally....permission to change channels (yes, we were waiting for our baby to be born) and lo' and behold- Oakland/Seattle and Seattle comes back to beat the Raiders--yay!.

Mar is starting to experience more pain, maybe it was the football, but her desire to go 100% natural is quickly diminishing and with that an epidural is requested...say it's about 12:05ish and the nurse administers the shot and within minutes Margaret is feeling a MAJOR and I do mean MAJOR desire to push. I go and find the nurse who returns with me, takes one look under Mar's gown and say's "DON'T PUSH!, I'm going to get the Dr. and you (pointing to me) need to get your gown on...NOW". So the nurse runs out and I run out to get changed leaving my lovely wife alone with a strong desire to push this baby out!!!!!

Somehow we make it to the operating room in all it's sterility with giant lamps focused down and masked people all around. I have two cameras with me...a Polaroid and some other camera and not one pic came out....they were all out of focus from me shaking.

Mar pushes him out---Stop---HIM, we were not having a boy, we knew we were having a girl and in our own blindness did not realize having a son was in the plans and we did not have any name or any plans on how to proceed. I remember Mar smiling, I remember his head, all pink and elongated like a football (the nurse quickly told me that his head would reshape) and I remember the nurse saying...."it's okay, you can touch him" and I looked at her with seriousness and like are you sure I can touch him? Wow....what a beautiful moment of life.

Mar held him....we were both so young. Mar looked content. I hung till she fell asleep at least I think I did and at some crazy early AM hour drove home from Voorhees to Pine Hill. It was during this time that an amazing thing happened. It was now Tuesday, October 9th and in the dark , dark night while driving home, elated, with the radio on they were playing Beatles and not just any Beatles, but two songs (double shot Tuesday) and all I remember is this incredibly poignant moment happening in that the song that came on was "Beautiful Boy" and John singing to his son Sean. Wow, wow, wow....and after the song was played the DJ came on and said...."Beautiful Boy by John Lennon written for his son Sean who both share today; October 9th as their birthday and all I could think was S-E-A-N, how perfect, how beautiful, how amazing for he, our son, is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.

A few hours later upon returning to the hospital I let Mar know of my of my drive home and of what I thought we should do in naming our son and we did, we named him "Sean" as he shares John and Sean Lennon's birthday and he truly was and is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.
Happy birthday Sean!!!!

people and raspberries

I picked my 1st raspberries today. Picked a handful, I did. I have to keep remembering that it is the hand that plants, the hand that picks and our God that grants sunshine and rain.

Raspberries are easy.

People are more difficult.

I like to share my raspberries with other people.
It's more fun.
We smile.

Jesus has it right.

Turn the other cheek.

Help the robber in the ditch on the side of the road.

They are your neighbors.

Focusing on the needs of others is and can be painful, but it is our calling, it's what Jesus did and we are to be like Him.

I want to be like Christ. I don't need raspberries, but I need fellowship with people.

Remember Tom Hanks in Cast Away?
He made Wilson, for company, companionship, for LOVE.

love, love, love

love, love, love

love, love, love
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove

love

hypocrite

- a person who professes beliefs and opinions that he or she does not hold in order to conceal his or her real feelings or motives

Sometimes I wonder, I wonder who I am. Just a big fake, putting on some show of something or other that confuses even me.

Maybe I am, am a hypocrite that is. Truth is I am not even sure. I am just sure of one thing and it's where I rest everything with all of my truths/lies and faults. And that is Jesus. So if all of this comes across as fake or false to you, I am sorry.

I do things I am ashamed of.
I say things I am embarrassed to say.
My actions are not always pure.
My thoughts...well God help us there.

Grace/Mercies/Love
God gives us all of this daily/hourly and by the minute, but do I accept it?

where who what how when Arrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!

I lay my head down every night somewhere
it rests easy because despite my inequities Jesus is the one thing that I know.

(I have recently been called a hypocrite by 3 different people, one of whom is very close to me)
these words hurt, but are mere words
not whips
not chains
not nails

When that (being called "that", that is) happens it gives you a serious gut check.

take my world apart please Lord.....break it, shatter it-- SMASH IT.
Let me die daily.

I have and am nothing
utterly nothing

Love is.....

Next to Quebec City Hall- The tulips had just started blooming

The most European city in all of North America-- AGREED!

Our innkeeper stated this is where to get the best dessert in all of Quebec- we bought 3

Lunch on the grass
with my best friend
Margaret Mary

Love is....

Lady shopkeeper- Married?

Margaret- Yes, 28 years in June
Lady Shopkeeper- What is the secret?
Margaret- Many things help, but the real secret is Jesus Christ
Lady Shopkeeper- No one has ever said that before, I like it

walk the streets

i am going to go walk the streets

i think that's where the lost are

Dear God

There's this song(s). If you are a music lover---go for it! "Laughing With" by Regina Spektor and "Dear God" by Monsters of Folk.

SEARCHING aren't we all? I believe I have found the truth. The search is over, but the truth is....I doubt. I do doubt, but I don't, at least not publicly or do I? IDK!?!?!?!?!?

seconds

enjoy them

use them

4 the glory f God

everything else is meaningless

today.....(tomorrow?)

would've should've could've

leave it all on the floor

the next 2-3 years

work

till there's nothing left