Wednesday, May 05, 2010


- a person who professes beliefs and opinions that he or she does not hold in order to conceal his or her real feelings or motives

Sometimes I wonder, I wonder who I am. Just a big fake, putting on some show of something or other that confuses even me.

Maybe I am, am a hypocrite that is. Truth is I am not even sure. I am just sure of one thing and it's where I rest everything with all of my truths/lies and faults. And that is Jesus. So if all of this comes across as fake or false to you, I am sorry.

I do things I am ashamed of.
I say things I am embarrassed to say.
My actions are not always pure.
My thoughts...well God help us there.

God gives us all of this daily/hourly and by the minute, but do I accept it?

where who what how when Arrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!

I lay my head down every night somewhere
it rests easy because despite my inequities Jesus is the one thing that I know.

(I have recently been called a hypocrite by 3 different people, one of whom is very close to me)
these words hurt, but are mere words
not whips
not chains
not nails

When that (being called "that", that is) happens it gives you a serious gut check.

take my world apart please Lord.....break it, shatter it-- SMASH IT.
Let me die daily.

I have and am nothing
utterly nothing

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